oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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