If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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