Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
