I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
