He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
