as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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