Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
