dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
