when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize