I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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