I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize