He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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