Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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