I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
