FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
