This girl is more easily done than said...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
