My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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