im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
