The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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