Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
