were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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