the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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