so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
