so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
