I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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