i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
