If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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