i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
