Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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