also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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