Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
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