i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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