He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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