Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
