The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
