no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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