it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My bed smells like the plague
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
