Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
