You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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