Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
