Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
