Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
