She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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