remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
