Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
