Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize