We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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