i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
