I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
