you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize