I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
