I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
