he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
