I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize