The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
