i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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