Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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