I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
