Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he thought i was a dude.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
