I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
