Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
