this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
