is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
