I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
