Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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