whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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