feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Blood and glitter go together right?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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