He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
