Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
