So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
