Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
