In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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