Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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