So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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